My personal journal!

June 14th, XXXX
1:43 am

Hi again friends! I know it's super late (or really early?), but I couldn’t sleep and I didn’t want to just lie in bed. So I came back to my nest! It feels quieter here than it used to, but I'm sure it'll be back soon.

I started working on a new game. Just a silly one! I thought it would be fun to draw little snacks and bugs and stuff. :) Nothing too hard. I’m trying to keep things light because my brain still feels like a chewed-up pencil.

Okay okay I should try to sleep. I swear I keep hearing something outside my window. I think I’m probably just overtired though. (But if you check the site and it looks weird... let me know?)

June 9th, XXXX
5:33 pm

Hi friends! I'm still an awfully busy person and unfortunately, I have been sleeping even less than usual, so I feel like I'm not really in a stellar place to try and make a ton of art or changes to my little nest. Sorry guys! But I'm pretty sure that you don't want the stuff I make when my head is full of static and cotton candy.

Also a guest left a really poetic guestbook message about my nest missing time or flavor? ...I don't know what that means, but I think it's pretty! I'm gonna pretend like it's a compliment unless someone tells me otherwise, hehe!

June 6th, XXXX
7:00 pm

Hi again friends! I know that the time between my updates and journal entries seems to keep getting longer (and trust me I'm bummed about it :(), but I've gotten really busy suddenly. :(

I'm really sorry! I really really love keeping my little nest clean and updated, but other stuff can get really demanding. Especially when I have so little energy to devote to everything.

But enough about the sad stuff! I wanna tell you guys about the stuff I wanna talk about! I've started another big art piece! It's another collage type thing. Something about those have really been speaking to me artistically recently and who am I to deny the muse when she sings, hehe? I've also started work on a new game for the arcade! Did I finish the other ones I was working on?

...No.... but! When inspiration strikes I have to follow! I can't just sit down and do something uninspired! Even if it's already started or half finished... That being said! I am still slooooowly chipping away at the surprise game! It's just taking a lot longer than I thought because I'm being a liiiiittle bit of a super duper perfectionist about it hehe!

Anyway! Thanks for being patient with me! I'll keep working on things bit by bit! And thank you, genuinely, for visiting my nest. It really means a lot knowing that someone- anyone at all- is out there seeing me. Seeing what I make. What I love. The things I pour my soul and energy into. I love you guys!

May 29th, XXXX
11:51 pm

I'm a pretty positive little person, but I'm telling you, friends. I'm starting to get a little fed up with my little nest changing when I'm not paying attention. I know its not much, but gosh darn it I have a color scheme! I don't want colors to change! I like soft pretty colors! I want everything to be nice! And soft! And I don't like when things change without my permission! Especially when! The site! Shouldn't! Even! Be! Able! To!!!!

May 29th, XXXX
4:24 pm

Hi friends! Gosh- it's been a few days hehe. Ok- well it's only been like... four days but still! I haven't updated you guys in four whole days!

So... where have I been? I'll tell you! Home! Well mostly home. I haven't really been anywhere else lately. I mean- where would I go? I'm a shut in. I don't go anywhere except the grocery store, pharmacy, and doctor's office. I'm nooooot exactly a world traveler. Unless you count dreams! I dream about a lot of places. But I don't think those count.

I've mostly been resting (laying in the dark and thinking), making art (cutting up newspapers and spending hours gluing the words down), and drinking enough coffee to drown a small village so... everythings mostly normal hehe! :)

So yeah! I've been working on more art for the site! After I finish one or two of these pieces I'll probably add something else that isn't art. Maybe another game or something! We'll see what fits!

Okay! I hope you guys are sleeping well, drinking water and everything else! More soon!

May 25th, XXXX
9:51 pm

I honestly have no idea what happened last night to make the site bug out, but at least I was able to get evreything all cleaned up (I think. I hope) I spent an hour or two picking through it all and cleaning it up, so I had to push back some of my drawings and coding efforts, but thats ok! I don't really mind! Upkeep of my little nest is good and fun too!

Sorry if this post is a little rushed or weird feeling. I've had a headahce all day. One of those weird behind the eyes buzzing ones? I think I'm going to take some tylonol and turn off the lights for a little bit. Sorry you didn't get much today! I'll be trying to do better work soon! Hopefully stuff stays where I put it this time hehe.

If you notice anything still acting weird just... lemme know I guess.

May 24th, XXXX
6:25 pm

Oops! It's been a few days since I've written a journal entry! To be entirely honest, I think that is probably gonna end up happening a lot, hehe. Technically right now I don't have much else going on, but I've been focusing on art and the site itself, rather than keeping you guys up to date on my internal stuff! Then again, I don't have much to tell you guys at any given point. I'm kind of boring, hehe.

In other news, I've started reading again! I know it's not a surprise, but I am not the kind of person who reads very often. But I picked up this really cool looking book from my local bookstore! (It was on sale!) In fact, the (very cool looking) cashier perked up when I walked in and said I would probably super enjoy the book! It's funny, but I really like when people in public understand things about me just from looking at me! Self expression is sooooo important to me and it's super cool that people can get what I'm about just from my clothes and bag and stuff!

May 21st, XXXX
10:00 pm

I'm back! Wowie! Two posts in one day! That's cool! That's what you're thinking right? I hope so! I hope you're excited to hear from me! I know I'm always excited to hear from all of you!

I re-dyed my hair today! I feel fresh and more like myself! I feel really off when my hair is naturally colored at this point, hehe! It's almost like it doesn't fully look like me. You know? I'm sure at least some of you understand!

I've also been drawing more today! I've been able to focus more on my other art since my little nest is getting to a point where it feels done enough. Of course I'm not gonna call it done at risk of making myself sad. Besides! Everything is always evolving and growing! That's how life and art and... well everything works I think!

May 21st, XXXX
11:45 am

I had a weird dream last night. I think it was technically a nightmare, but I wasn't scared in the moment. I was just sort of... annoyed? Aware? I was sick I think. I don't really know. I don't remember most of the dream at this point. I fully intended to write it down in the moment. Like a dream journal! I've heard journalling your dreams is good for some reason.

Anywho, the only things I really actually remember from the dream were;

1- being in my apartment but in that dream way? Where you know that you're in your apartment but nothing about where you are in the dream looks like your waking apartment?

2- I kept coughing up this weird tar like substance.

3- The weird looming feeling that I don't have enough of something.

Overly long story short I had a weird dream. That's it! That was the post! Weird post! Bleh I'm gonna go back to drawing.

May 20th, XXXX
5:51 pm

I was able to get to sleep last night for a bit! Thank god. I was going crazy without sleep. I think I feel asleep around 5:30 am. Not ideal, but it was something! Unfortunately, the neighbors living above me (are those considered my neighbors? Is it called something different when they live above you?) started doing something loud early this morning. Well okay- not technically early but 10am is early for someone who doesn't get to sleep very much!

May 19th, XXXX
9:32 pm

If you've been reading my update log posts, you probably know how I'm feeling about this website, but I figure I might as well make a real post/journal entry about it here. It's a good place to start, no? I think so. :)

I think I've finally got the bare bones of my little nest done! Of course it doesn't have every single feature I want it to have and I'll definately be spending quite a bit of my freetime adding little flourishes and new things, but I'm crazy proud of what I've managed to do!

Honestly, this website is one of the only things I feel like I have complete control over right now. I'm almost scared to think that at some point I might be able to call it 'done.' Every time I close a page and consider the code done for right now I get this jolt of fear. Like I'm paralyzed. It's kind of silly! Because when I do get to a point where the website can be some level of done for a while, I can finally get back to my other art! Then when I've done that I'll be able to post it and people can see it! I'm excited about that.

It's been really nice to have something to do when I can't sleep (I've been having a really bad bout of insomnia again) not to mention the fact that it's something I'm passionate about and genuinely enjoy doing! I mean, of course I love drawing and writing poetry in the night, but sometimes it's really hard for me to actually make something I'm proud of when I'm really sleep deprived. I feel like all I draw when I'm tired are scribby pieces that shatter my already shaky relationship with anatomy.

In other news I'm really REALLY glad I was able to get the guestbook working. I spent hours trying to make sure it worked and at this point- despite the fact that there's a weird delay on comment upload- I'm considering it done. Though there was a weird glitch where one of the submissions was repeated like three times (every submission was identical), but it hasn't happened again, so I've elected to ignore it!

May 18th, XXXX
6:44 pm

Welcome to my first ever journal post! If you've been watching the update log you already know that I didn't post one today. A log of an update that is. And that's actually for a very simple reason! I didn't actually touch the website today (and I'm not planning on it).

Because of a seriously terrible few days of almost no sleep- I am running on EMPTY. I've got nothing. I am so exhausted. But of course I can't actually sleep. So I went to the doctor! Again! And- surprise surprise- they didn't do anything new. Honestly it was a total waste. So yeah... I don't really have the energy to do anything big or impressive, not to mention the fact that if I did try to code my brain would probably start bleeding due to all of the thinking about hard problems and such.

So anyway! Thanks for reading my first journal post. I'm so sleepy. I'm gonna make a hot cocoa and lay down in the dark.